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Sunday, May 31, 2009
_____________________

It was foolish of me to think that it is easy.
I can get away with it.
I will get used to it.
So much for that.
It's not easy at all.

And today I realize a mistake i made,
that I hope won't happen.

I've been pushing everything,
And I've been waiting,
So, that I could do it with you.

And now I know that,
I don't have too.
I will do whatever I want,
At any time I want too.

I'm in control of my life.

I was mood less today,
Cause I was expecting so much more.
The things that I wished you would do.
I felt like I was being used.
Like I didn't matter.

But I guess I was wrong.
I don't want to get trapped again with all my hopes.
This is the reality.

I have to take note of all the small things you did for me.
And appreciate it.
And I have to take the initiative.
I have to change my mind set.

It's hard for me.

Cause I felt all alone once again.
And I can't keep pinning hopes on you.
I can't blame anything.
It just how it is.

I understand better now.
And I'm sorry for the way I've been acting.
I was just clouded by my own emotions.
And it gets the better of me.

I hate it that I can only see you once or twice a week.
I hate it that I can only talk to you through messages.
And I hate it that it's so hard to tell you everything I've been through the day.
I hate it that I can't have long chats with you.
I hate it that I can't have you for company.
I miss it all.

Sometimes,
the wait can get overwhelming.
And I get tired.

But I can't let all this to drag us down.
I have to be happy with just how things are.
It could have been worse.

I have to pick myself up again.
And get back that enthusiasm.
Cause we deserve so much more.

I love you.

10:24:00 PM

_____________________

It just sucks when you can't have a say.
I don't like it this way.
But whether I like it or not,
That's how it's gonna be.

Does my opinion matters anymore?

3:52:00 AM
Saturday, May 30, 2009
_____________________

I've been thinking a lot.
And I know now,
You're the only one that's real to me.
That really understands me.

I miss all those times we used to have.
And I miss the way you look at me.

I reminisce the good times we had together.
When it's just me and you.

And I know that it's vital for me,
For us to make it till the end.

I just need you.
And I know I will be safe in your arms.

You meant the world to me.

And I just can't stop loving you.
I don't know how too.






I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede
I miss dede

Labels:


1:56:00 AM
Thursday, May 28, 2009
_____________________

I want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on my soul tonight.
I want a reason to keep believin'
That some day I'm gonna see the light...

12:41:00 AM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
_____________________

I finally change my blogskin.
It's quite simple.
And no more butterflies.
Haha.
I'm not done yet though.
Still need some editing.

Anyways,
Let's do some quick updates.

Last week ended quite fast.
I fell sick yet again.
But I feel so much better now.

I've been working lesser days.
I just want to get enough rest for myself to recover.
And school work is piling up.

Tests are coming up next week.
Haiz.
Hopefully I can do well.

I guess the highlight of my week was spending time with Dede during the weekends.
Although,
It was quite short, but it's the best that I can get.
I can't complain I guess.

Hmmm...

I can't think of anything right now.

So,
Till here.

Tata.

9:54:00 PM
Monday, May 18, 2009
_____________________

"To Be With You"

I've been alone so many nights now,
And I've been waitin' for the stars to fall.
I keep holdin' out for what I don't know
To be with you, just to be with you.

So here I am staring at the moon tonight,
Wondering how you look in this light.
Maybe you're somewhere thinkin' about me too.
To be with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

And I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apart
Come together eventually..

And when we finally meet, I'll know it's right.
I'll be at the end of my restless road.
But this journey, it was worth the fight.
To be with you, just to be...

Holding you for the very first time, never letting go.
What I wouldn't give to feel that way...

And when you're standin' here in front of me,
That's when I know that God does exist.
'Cause He will have answered every single prayer.
To be with you, just to be with you, yeah.
You....

9:19:00 PM

_____________________

Hi.

I wanted to change my blogskin but just can't find the right one yet.
Never mind.

I guess it's been a while since I do proper update.
Just been really lazy this days.

So far,
I'm doing fine.
Weekdays are mostly spent going to school and working.
I only look forward to weekends where I can finally meet him.

School have been really mundane.
So many questions marks (????).
And FYP is not really going well.
Haiz.
But still have to persevere and don't give up.

Anyways,
My mum been nagging me to learn driving.
She said she will sponsored me a bit.
I initially thought of learning next year where I think I will have more time.
But I guess I will just have to rush it.
Now in the process of choosing which school.
Really don't know which one to choose.
Hopefully,
I can get my license in a few months time.

And I've been working hard on learning to speak/understand Chinese.
I just find it quite hard to remember some words and pronounce it.
But I have a lot of friends willing to guide me along =D.
It's kinda fun to learn a new language.

Hmmmm,
That's all for now I guess.
Will update again next time.

Tata.

8:13:00 PM
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
_____________________

It bothered me sometimes.
The way how people thinks of me.
But I guess there's nothing much I can do to change their view.
I will just be true to myself.

11:38:00 PM
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
_____________________

I wish you could be here.
To nurse me and pamper me till I get well again.
Just like how I did to you.
Being there when you need me to be.

I won't deny that I'm disappointed.
And I can't be angry.
That's how it had always been.

I just want you to notice me.
That I'm here.
That I need you so much.

I know it's hard for you to be there.
But a little effort is much appreciated.

I have endured so much.
And i hope you made up to it before it all runs out.

5:01:00 PM
Sunday, May 3, 2009
_____________________

I finally get to see Dede again after 19 days.
=D
He had lost some weight although I think he gain it back again after the few days he booked out.
Lol.
And a lot tanner.
He's also sick with non-stop coughing.
Which had me really worry.
I just hope he will get well soon.

I got to say he look really smart in his No.4 attire.
I keep forgetting to take pictures of him.

Anyways,
He just booked in again.
Will be seeing again most probably on this Saturday if nothing goes wrong.
Hmmmm.

It's been almost 8 weeks since he started his service.
And I think we been getting through it pretty well.
There are days that I get frustrated due to the limited communication.
To make worse the distracting background noise of his bunk mates talking.
It was hard to talk over the phone about what's going on.
I have to wait till he book out to tell the whole story which I will forget about it then.
And sometimes I had days where I really need him but he can't be there.
And days where I really miss him.

But I learn to be independent and not to rely too much on him anymore.
I have kept myself pretty busy and focus on school more.
It gets easier every time.
And I'd learn not to wait but to just go on with my life.
I will see him again when it's time.
It's not like I have to endure this for 2 years but more than that.
Probably,
Till the time if we get married.
So,
I must as well learn to live through it.

And the funny thing is,
It's not even the beginning yet.
There so much more ahead.

Well,

Till here then.

Tata.

10:19:00 PM
that girl♥

Her name's Nur Hanisah
22 this year.
She's just a simple girl.
With no high expectations.
Just wanna live life as simply as possible.
And achieving her wishes and dreams.
future wishes♥

♥ Class 3 driving license
♥ Registered Pharmacist technician
♥ Savings of $5K by end of 2011
♥ Cook dishes
♥ Engaged and married to Kendrick Liu Kenli
♥ Be a better person
Contact me♥

♥eisha6207@gmail.com
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