time waits for no one ...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009
_____________________

Sometimes life get really complicated.
And I learn it's the way how you choose to see it.
You can see all the bad things that are happening.
All the negative things occurring around you.
Or you can choose to see the good things in life and enjoy yourself.
And it ironic that for you to have the good things, you have to face the consequences later.
It makes me wonder,
How can anyone be happy?

I have been trying really hard to look at the bright side of things.
Dede been in camp for almost 3 weeks now.
I occupied myself with things to do.
Making sure that I got everything done and right.
Just so I have something that I can be proud of.
Sometimes I failed,
But I pick myself up and just get over it.
The fact is I've been running away from the guilt that I felt.

And I know in time I will have to face it.
But maybe it will happen again.
And this time I don't know how I'm going to face it.

I lied to make him happy.
And I learn that it hurts me more.
I tried to get it right.
But I always end up with this wall that is freaking hard to break down.
It's eating me up inside.

Why is it that I need him so badly?
Why does it hurt to love him?
Why am I sacrificing for him?
How come he knows all the right things to say?
Why does he love me so much?
How did he melt my heart just like that?
How can he know what I'm thinking?

But why can't he see what I really need?

Does it matter how I feel?

So many questions.
And I don't have the answer for it.
I'm really tired from fighting.
And I just want it to end.
Please,
Let it go.

1:45:00 AM

Monday, April 20, 2009
_____________________

I've come undone
Nobody's won
Being alone
Has given me hope

The seeds that are sown
Here on my own
Are giving me hope
Hope to burn again

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?
If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

It killed me when you left
I became so torn
What once felt like theft
Is making me hope

Now that I can see
Who I'm meant to be
Now that I am one
I can burn again

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?
If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

And it's a silent voice
All I can hear
Ringin' in my ear
And it's your silent choice
Bring me new fears
It's bringing me to tears

If I remember you,
Will you remember me?

8:45:00 PM

Tuesday, April 14, 2009
_____________________

Tomorrow is my last day of ITP.
Finally,
It's over.
LOL.
It had been a great learning experience.

Anyways,
I won't be seeing Dede for the next 18 days.
Due to his BMT confinement.
Haish.
But what can I do?.
At least my wait is more "fun" than his.
I get to go anywhere in Singapore but he is stuck in the Naval base.
Hahahaha.
But I know it will be over soon enough.
I just have to hang in there.

And I'm actually looking forward to school for some reasons.
The distractions...
Hehe...
I'm so going to miss the times where we waited for each other at the bridge after school.
And meeting up for dinner.
Hmmm...

These few weeks our relationship have gone through a lot.
But I will just put it in the past and move on.
I'm starting to be more trusting towards him.
And having less doubts about us.
Somehow I think we understand each other better now.
And I feel like I"m getting to know him again.
=D.
I really hope it will work out.

Well,
Nothing much to say le.

Till here.

Tata

10:25:00 PM

Saturday, April 11, 2009
_____________________

I"m scared.
And I just hope you will be there,
and stay put till the end.

I need you.

6:55:00 PM

Thursday, April 2, 2009
_____________________

I only left a few more working days and ITP is OVER!!

I'm so fed up of doing research le.
And I hate having to read very long documents.
It's in English but I feel like they must as well write it in a foreign language.
Cause I have a hard time trying to interpret what they are saying.
It really frustrates me.

Every week I have tried to do better.
It seems like "I don't know" is not a good response.
I'd been using it a lot and my supervisor was kind of disappointed.
And I felt useless at times.
Cause I can't really contribute as I really really don't know.
I haven't even completed my diploma and they are making me look at issues discuss on Master level.
Of course,
I'm like totally blur.
And thus I need to do a lot of research to fill up the gaps in my knowledge.
Which kind of useless cause I totally don't get it at all.

But now I'm 'smarter'.
I don't say "I don't know" anymore instead I just say "I don't understand".
Or some other responses.
It seems to be working I guess.
But too bad they have to explained it to me like dozen of times before I get it.
Haha.

Anyways,
I learn that I don't really like working in a project based kind of company.
Or research.
Cause I find it really tedious and I can see myself getting really stress up in this kind of environment.

So,
I haven't really know which type of company I wanna work for.
And I guess I decided on the degree that I wanna pursue in.
Most likely Biomedical Engineering.

On the other hand,
I find that my department really took care of me well.
Make sure that I had my breakfast and lunch.
And most of the time they help me in my tasks.
Also,
They tried to squeeze as much knowledge as they can into me.
And they are nice people and unpredictable at times.
But at least I learn so many thing from them.

Thinking of it,
I will be in my third year soon.
I don't think I'm ready yet.
Kinda nervous though.
Haha.

I gotta sleep le.

Missing dede so much =(.
Haiz.

Nite nite.

11:32:00 PM

that girl♥

Her name's Nur Hanisah
22 this year.
She's just a simple girl.
With no high expectations.
Just wanna live life as simply as possible.
And achieving her wishes and dreams.

future wishes♥

♥ Class 3 driving license
♥ Registered Pharmacist technician
♥ Savings of $5K by end of 2011
♥ Cook dishes
♥ Engaged and married to Kendrick Liu Kenli
♥ Be a better person

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♥eisha6207@gmail.com
♥FB name: Nur Hanisah Kal-el

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